Category Archives: Uncategorized

Today was a big day — one of the first days I felt I might be making a difference while honoring Cooper. Today, our family and friends walked with us in our local AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) Out of the Darkness walk. Disclaimer for this next bit: I don’t mean that people don’tContinue reading “On Walking”

I’m lying here, listening to a weather front move through, waiting for that moment when everything changes. I love when this type of front passes; I know the heat will break. I know the wind may be fierce, but that it will pass quickly and a reprieve from the heat and humidity will follow. KnowingContinue reading “On Darkness”

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything to share; I’ve been busy surviving. In the midst of this survival, a friend shared an essay written by another bereaved mother who would call this stretch of time my “season.” Cooper’s suicide August 24 and his birthday September 16 are close enough together that I can’tContinue reading “On Surviving My Season”

Yesterday after school, a good friend who happens to be the school photographer started hauling her photography equipment into my classroom, location of school pictures. It was the first Monday of the school year, just like last year. Last year, I visited with her and her student-assistants as they set up their equipment. We’d dismissedContinue reading “On A Year”

If we are Facebook friends, you probably know I’ve posted prayer requests and updates on an infant sick with RSV. Yesterday, a friend asked me how I knew the family. Well . . . When I was in high school, I babysat the momma’s older brother and sister. When Momma came along, she was betweenContinue reading “On Our Small Town”

Today was a Tinkerbell Tuesday. School starts tomorrow, so this was The Teachers’, as three of us are known, farewell game of the summer. We wrapped ourselves in the tapestry woven of friends and family and generations, and we played cards. If you saw me today, you might think I wasn’t happy to be there;Continue reading “On Tinkerbells, part 2”

This tree, over and over. Usually, I mention this tree in connection with scattering Cooper’s ashes, but it’s more than that. This tree, this hillside, were my favorite before we spread Cooper’s ashes on the wind and ground of this land. The gnarled maple, the sentinel, was the site of weiner roasts and family walks.Continue reading “On Wanting To”

Cooper’s birthday falls just over three weeks after the day he died. Last year, as his birthday approached, I posted in a Compassionate Friends group what I planned to do on his birthday, and another group member rudely informed me I was being ridiculous and to come back when the shock had passed. I couldContinue reading “On Shock”

I don’t know if it’s because we are nearing the one year mark or if this is just another feature of grief, but lately I find myself shaking my head as if it’s a mental Etch-A-Sketch. Sometimes a quick shake, trying to dislodge a niggling thought, and sometimes a weary wobble, slogging through a foreignContinue reading “On Shaking My Head”

Today was a full day. A day of messages and funny pictures, of making plans and making treats, of hugs and lunch and laughter and tears. In the Before, today would’ve been a good day, no asterisk. Just a good, full day. But I don’t live in the Before. So yes, today was a fullContinue reading “On *Asterisks*”