Category Archives: Uncategorized

A new friend, someone I’d only met once, briefly, in person, told me she wasn’t sure she’d recognize me, as my picture isn’t really a presence on my blog. No, I’m much more comfortable behind the camera. But here I am. This is me. This me the day after an inexplicably hard day. Emotionally hungContinue reading “This is Me”

I’ve gone back and forth on this one. I want to write. I need to write. I have written, privately, but I want to share. I want to share my Sunday afternoon, four hours of respite care for my soul. See, I spent those hours with two other Suicide Moms. Survivor Moms. Suicide Survivor Moms.Continue reading “On Strength, Fragility, and Grace”

As long as I can remember, I’ve loved Mom’s vegetable soup. It was the “treat” I requested after my daughter was born (in non-soup June), following months of a strict gestational diabetes diet. Mom’s soup may be the original comfort food. It took me almost 30 years to come close to replicating it, but myContinue reading “On Mom’s Vegetable Soup”

I walked the Lakeview Labyrinth again today. Unlike my first visit, I knew where I was going and what to expect, but that knowledge only goes so far. I have a terrible time shutting off my brain, so I’m not sure I am labyrinth-walking exactly the right way. Still, I stepped onto the path, intoContinue reading “On Benches”

One baby makes a girl tired. Two babies in 17 months makes a girl tired. Three babies in four years . . . You get the idea. I’ve been tired since just before my 20th birthday. Normal tired. Feel-better-with-a-nap tired. This past year I learned the difference between “tired” and “weary.” Naps don’t fix weariness.Continue reading “On Weariness”

On December 8, 2020, over three months after Cooper died, I finally dreamt of him. Somehow, I had the presence of mind to put the dream in a note in my phone. I’d hoped and prayed for a Cooper dream, and it finally happened. Given the circumstances of his death, the “dream” could’ve come inContinue reading “On Dreams”

I’m lying here on a Sunday night, wondering about the week ahead. Will it be better than last week? Easier? Please, not more difficult. Will I recognize myself? Will I know my own mind, my own soul, or will I wander through my days―lost? I walked the Lakeview labyrinth a week ago and, overthinker thatContinue reading “On Recognition”

I walked the labyrinth at Lakeview Nature Center today. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but my soul needed settling, my mind, centering. So, I walked. I was completely alone and grateful for the solitude. A sideways look or forced conversation would’ve been enough to reduce me to tears. Just one of those weekends. AtContinue reading “On A Labyrinth”

A few weeks ago, a Mom Who Knows and I were talking back and forth on Messenger. I’d had a really rough stretch–a month-long eclipse between the anniversary of Cooper’s death and his 30th birthday–but had also just participated in my first Out of the Darkness walk–an emotional but uplifting experience. The walk was healingContinue reading “On Rainbows”

The day Cooper died, while the coroner and sheriff’s lieutenant were still at my house, I found the note Cooper had left on top of his Bible. It was brief, but it was something. Not until his belongings were returned to us a couple weeks later could I look through his phone. I found another,Continue reading “On Notes”