Today’s prompt: Who was the person you used to be?
Tonya of Before
Tonya of Before was clueless. Blissfully, blindly clueless. She was so clueless, she didn’t know she was clueless. She’d always been empathetic, or so she thought. She always felt others’ pain. Or so she thought. Maybe in some ways she was empathetic. She could notice others’ pain and she respected it. So to that extent, Tonya of Before wasn’t completely clueless. Still, there was so much she couldn’t see, couldn’t know, and couldn’t imagine.
Tonya of Before was present and aware. She was involved with friends and activities. She remembered appointments and showed up. Tonya of Before could talk without zoning out, both in her personal life and in the classroom. She was smart-ish, eager to try new approaches in the classroom and tackle new projects at home.
But . . .
Tonya of Before wouldn’t have shared such a personal journey. She wouldn’t have felt herself becoming an advocate for mental health awareness. She would’ve watched from a distance as others tried to end the stigma of suicide. She might’ve whispered the word. Suicide.
Tonya of Before didn’t know. She didn’t know that sometimes love isn’t enough to save someone, that talking, listening, and caring aren’t enough; sometimes, nothing is enough. She didn’t know that a son can speak of the future, of dreams and plans, but not find himself able to live for the future. She didn’t know that a mellow young man who was generous of time and spirit, who loved his people, could view suicide as his only answer.
No, Tonya of Before didn’t know. She is currently enrolled in an intensive re-education program. Tonya of After will know.
Woods Writes 